TEN TIPS FOR BUILDING CHRISTIAN CHARACTER

by Debbie W. Wilson

Acts 11:26c says, “And the disciples were called Christians first in Antioch.” The unbelievers called them Christians or “little Christs” in derision because they lived the teachings of Christ. His Spirit filled their lives. They wore the ridicule as a crown of honor, as evidence of their love for Him.

As Christians we work to develop Christian character in our children. We want to see Christ’s character formed in them, to make them into “little Christs.” But to see them grow in Him, we cannot wait passively for it to happen. God uses us as instruments in their molding.

Be an Example. God gave us the Scripture filled with the histories of men and women who preceded us as examples. More importantly, He sent Jesus as our Savior and example. We know what God values, wants, and does because Jesus, as God, did those things.

He gives children parents as examples also. Our children watch our lives more than they listen to our words. We should decide what Christlike attitudes and actions we want from our children, then live them. Telling them to be honest will not train them in honesty as well as going back through the checkout lane with the extra change the clerk accidentally gave us.

Win Your Child’s Heart with Affection. In Titus 2:4 Paul encouraged the older women to teach the younger ones to love, “to show affection to,” their children.

The child who is given affection develops an affectionate, caring personality. He will listen to instruction. He will be more open with others, especially his parents. Touching, cuddling, hugging, saying “I love you,” listening to him, and reading together build a sense in him of how much you value him and how much God does.

Temper Affection with Prompt, Consistent, Reasonable Discipline. Affection without discipline creates a spoiled, self-centered child. Discipline without affection can harden a child, making him critical of others.

Discipline teaches a child right and wrong. Often we think of discipline as negative, such as scolding, spanking, or time outs, but discipline has a positive side in praising him when he does what is right. Your praise of your child should exceed your criticism several times over, but the praise should be legitimately earned. It is easy to ignore our child’s good attitudes and actions while promptly criticizing the bad, though we would be hurt if our spouse did the same thing to us. Carping on a child’s faults without commending his virtues discourages him.

Discipline, positive or negative, should be prompt , while the offense or good behavior is fresh in everyone’s mind. Allowing the children to bicker until you erupt in fury can lead to abuse. Children push as far as you allow them to, but handling the misbehavior immediately promotes peace in the home.

Consistency teaches the child his limits. He can’t get by with a little lie today because Mom is in a good mood and no lie tomorrow because she is in a bad mood. If we want consistency in our children’s character, we must be consistent in our expectations.

Punishment or reward should fit the child’s actions. Taking the toys he did not pick up when he was told to for a few days may be reasonable. Giving all of his toys to Good Will for the same offense is not and creates resentment toward the parent and the God the parent represents.

Teach Your Child What Is Expected. Your child cannot meet your expectations if he does not know what they are. It is easy to forget that your two year old does not understand the meaning of the word”lie” until he is taught it. He is still learning the language.

Your thirteen-year-old daughter needs to have the importance of modesty gently explained to her. She has little understanding of the effect of her budding beauty on boys.

In the same vein, young boys with newly raging hormones need help understanding why purity of thought has become more difficult lately. Many teenaged boys face struggles with their faith because of their sexual maturing. They need guidance, protection, and understanding.

Don’t Unfavorably Compare Your Children with Each Other. It creates resentment and sibling rivalry. Deal with that child’s transgression as his problem, not as a defect in comparison to his sister.

Recognize that each child’s personality has strengths and weaknesses. Ask God for the wisdom to guide that child with his special personality.

Discuss the Natural Consequences of Sin. Satan and our culture make sin glamorous and treat the consequences of sin as though they are unrelated, something that strikes the unsuspecting like rain from a cloudless sky. However, we can use the Bible and situations that arise around us to explain to our children that sin always has painful results. When we study an account in the Bible, we can point out how the sin led to the consequences. “Because Adam and Eve disobeyed God, He had to kick them out of the Garden of Eden and bring death upon them.”

Understanding that his actions have consequences can save him from much pain in the future and teach him kindness to others. Comparing his feelings to someone else’s feelings in a similar situation create empathy for others. “You don’t want to play with Sammy because he broke your new car. How do you think Jessica feels when you’re rough with her dolls?”

Use Stories to Build Character. Stories can help a child’s character to form in several ways. Well-chosen stories teach him right and wrong. They explain God’s, society’s, and your expectations. As he immerses himself in a story, he becomes sympathetic to the characters, and that sympathy transfers to real people. He understands people’s motivations better. In a good story he can see the consequences of actions without experiencing them.

We need to consider what stories we read to our children and how we teach them. Children need to understand that Bible stories really happened, that they are the accounts from the lives of real people as God dealt with them. Though some of the modern presentations are entertaining and teach good values, they obscure reality. If not handled carefully, they can undermine the authority of Scripture, making Bible stories no more authoritative than Parson Weems’ story of George Washington and his father’s cherry tree.

Books, such as Honey for a Child’s Heart by Gladys Hunt, Jim Trelease’s The Read-Aloud Handbook, A Family Program for Reading Aloud by Rosalie June Slater, and Read for Your Life by Gladys Hunt and Barbara Hampton, provide lists and descriptions of good books to help you guide your child’s reading.

Surround Your Children with Good Friends. Proverbs 13:20 says, “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” Our culture separates people by age. If a child does not get along with the group of other children his age, society assumes that something is wrong with that child. However, many children know nothing of right and wrong, of kindness, of preferring one another.

By providing friends of various ages, we give our children the opportunity to relate to adults, teenagers, children his age, and little ones. He observes adult role models and learns to interact with adults while also showing consideration for younger children. Spending time with godly adults teaches him where to go for guidance

Inviting families for dinner, housing speakers and missionaries, and spending holidays with grandparents provide opportunities for interaction. A child learns to value and respect those whom his parents do by helping prepare for their coming, by eating with the family, and by entertaining the young people. Hospitality requires that he learn to share, that he prefer the visitors to himself, that he develop social graces.

Few areas of life can be richer in blessing or be more harmful than friendships. We need to teach our children how to choose friends wisely while they are still young. We also need to listen to their concerns about people whom they are around. Little Jeff may seem wonderful when you are watching, but once your back is turned he may settle his disagreements with a kick in the shins. We need to supervise our children so they do not become the companions of fools, and becoming like their friends, be destroyed.

One danger we face in Christian circles is expecting our immature Christian children to be missionaries to the community. Do we really expect our seven-year old, the only Christian in the neighborhood play group, to pull the other six children up spiritually or will he be destroyed by his associations? How easy is it for us to pull the parents of those children up without being pulled down? Supervise your children’s friendships.

Work and Play Together. It’s hard to be an example for your children if you are rarely together. By working and playing with us, our children learn how to respond to others, how to develop good work habits, how to handle anger and frustration, how to compete without having to win all the time. Though working together teaches good work habits, playing together puts work into perspective, alleviating workaholic tendencies.

Spending time together in work and play allows us to find those teachable moments “when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” During these times, a child’s spirit open to share confidences, ask questions, and seek instruction.

Worship Together. Worship means “to bow self down, to esteem, to serve, to venerate.” When a person in the Bible worshipped, he prostrated himself before God, submitting himself totally to God. It does not mean merely going to church or having family devotions. Worship centers on God, His Majesty, His glory, His love, His power, His mercy.

Worship involves our whole being, attitudes as well as actions. As he worships with us, our child learns the seriousness of his accountability to God and the right of God to command his life. He seeks to please God beyond the place of worship.

If we truly want our child’s character to mirror Christ, then we must be transformed into His image. While we are working on their character, God works on ours, pruning here, strengthening there, molding us into “little Christs,” “followers of God, as dear children.” (Ephesians 5:1)

(Copyright 1999, Debbie W. Wilson)