Preparing for College

by Debbie W. Wilson

Before Mom finishes the shopping for college and Dad lugs in the last footlocker for packing, students and their parents face many decisions. Parents can shape their children’s attitudes and prepare them for college with some help from five home-schooled young people who discussed their college experiences with me. They represent five different colleges and five different majors. They share how they chose their college and major, how they dealt with roommates, and the lessons they learned that helped them academically, socially, and spiritually. Their advice should help young men and women facing the decision of whether to go to college.

Choosing a College. Before young people choose which college to attend, they need to determine whether they should go to college. Some professions require a college education. Other professions can be learned through technical schools, work experience, or apprenticeship.

“Consider your life’s goals,” Marquis, a second-year student in the Emergency Medical Services and Pre-Nursing Program at the University of St. Francis in Fort Wayne, Indiana, suggests. “You need to understand that the point of college is NOT independence. Don’t go just to be independent.”

Sometimes students want to learn more about a subject that interests them. Taking some college classes seems the next reasonable step. Cami wanted to learn more math and earned her Associate’s Degree in accounting from International Business College in Fort Wayne. Even though she’s a full-time wife and mother now, she does not consider her education wasted. “Going there and realizing that I could do as well or better than the kids who had gone to the public school was worth far more to me than just the degree.”

Home or Home Away from Home? Once they decide that they should go to college, students face the question of whether to commute to a local school or live in a dormitory. Marquis and Cami chose to commute. He finds his mom’s cooking and the avoidance of the “college town” atmosphere in the dormitories good reasons to commute. Cami sees no disadvantages in her choice.

Angie considered commuting from home to a school in Fort Wayne, but on visiting the campus of Indiana Wesleyan University in Marion, Indiana, she chose to avoid long drives and live there in the dormitories. She is a second-semester sophomore in the Registered Nursing Program.

“Be willing to look for a college away from home. Traveling really isn’t that bad,” Daniel, a senior, says. He majors in computer science at Bob Jones

University in Greenville, South Carolina, 600 miles from home. “You find out what a school really is by living in the dorms. In a good school the dorm life can be the best part.”

Choosing the Right College. When narrowing their choices of which college to attend, the students considered more than distance. Angie, Daniel, and Mike, who is taking a double major in Bible and Religion and in Christian Education at Huntington College in Huntington, Indiana, wanted a Christian college. A second-semester junior, Mike first chose another Christian college. He was dissatisfied so intended to switch to a secular college closer to home. While taking some general courses at Huntington College in his hometown, he switched majors and decided to stay.

Cami first considered a school farther from home but decided that International Business College offered what she wanted and allowed her to stay closer to her family and her boyfriend.

Marquis chose St. Francis on the basis of its degree program and quality after talking to others in the medical profession. He suggests that you “talk with people in the career you’re interested in. Adults love to take an interest in serious young people who are interested in what they do.”

Visits to campus clinched Angie’s and Daniel’s decisions. They needed to experience the campus’s atmosphere to decide.

Choosing a Major. Providing your children a wide range of opportunities, hobbies, and studies allows them to narrow the field as they mature. Meeting people with varying jobs can interest young people in careers they would not have otherwise considered. Job experience, internships, and volunteer programs further confirm or dissipate an initial interest.

Summit Ministries influenced Mike. A summer internship with his pastor has helped him hone his plans to an inner-city ministry and discipleship rather than a traditional preaching ministry.

Marquis’s interest in emergency services developed from years as a Boy Scout and a volunteer firefighter. He also volunteers his time to the local paramedics.

Angie wanted to be a nurse as a little girl. “Working at a care center confirmed what I wanted to do.”

Cami and Daniel chose majors based on interests they discovered in their classes.

Preparing for College Academics. All five young people agree that a strong academic background enabled them to do well in college. Though she had never taken an accounting course in her home school, Cami kept up with those who had. Her mother’s pushing her to overcome her procrastinating taught her to work well and complete her studies ahead of fun. Other students learned that the hard way.

Angie took some college classes during her senior year of high school. This prepared her for a college mindset, helped her adjust to classes, and completed some of her general requirements early. However, she felt overwhelmed by her first final. She thinks that parents could help their children prepare by giving them finals their senior year in high school. Memorization, taking notes, and reading diagrams in high school helped her later.

Mike found that the research he was required to do for a paper at Summit Ministries helped him research and write better at college. Also, his mother’s docking his grades for late assignments prepared him for college’s rigid time schedule. “Parents should expose their children to different styles of assignments, different styles of writing assignments. Being able to adapt to different professors’ expectations for papers is a good thing.”

Marquis says that high schoolers should learn to take notes, to listen, to follow directions. “It sounds so simple, but I see quite a few people getting papers rejected because they’re not following directions.”

Daniel’s hard work in high school paid off when he was able to skip some general courses in English, math, and computer during his freshman year. He believes that parents should “build the student’s confidence in what he or she can do, then encourage him to do a little bit more.”

The Social Side of College. Critics accuse home schoolers of damaging their children socially in spite of what tests of social ability show. All of the young people I interviewed agree that family, church, camp, Boy Scouts, and other activities contribute to social grace.

Marquis and Daniel believed that time spent with adults helps young people develop. According to Marquis, “Being around adults more, you tend to act more adultlike.”

Daniel appreciated being taught how to interact with others, to look others in the eye and shake hands firmly, the give and take of conversing, how to respond graciously even when embarrassed. He adds, “Teach respect. Teach them to be considerate of others, humility, and kindness.”

Mike sees a real need in parents’ making sure that “their kids stand firm.” He suggests that one way they can stand firm at college is by seeking out deeper Christian friends, especially among the older students.

Personal Bible study, prayer, study of books written through the ages by Christians, discussions and association with godly Christians of all ages help a young person decide what he believes and why.

Adjustments. Every young person faces adjustments to college. Meeting new people, facing new challenges, learning new skills and knowledge, overcoming fears, frustrations, and dealing with newly acquired independence presents the student opportunities to grow. These opportunities create stress, but that is not necessarily bad.

“The stress of college tests your mettle,’ says Marquis. “You’ll face stress all of your life. You can learn to deal with stress at college.”

Angie and Cami admitted they faced fears of not knowing anyone. Cami says, “I was worried about everything--about making friends, whether I could measure up, how the teachers would teach, whether it would be too hard.” She overcame her fears through talking with her mother. “You have to have somebody to talk to and express your fears with. If you’re faithful to God, He’ll see you through.”

“Being away from home” scared Angie. “It was like being at a year-long church camp.” Angie’s goals kept her going.

Though fear troubled the men less than the women, all faced frustrations. Daniel found the rigid schedule he had to keep stressful and he had to get used to not always being in the top half of the class.

Angie wanted some time alone. Having people around all the time stressed her. She also had to get used to less sleep by taking naps, sleeping in on Saturdays, and visiting home.

Marquis and Cami both found the non-Christians they were around daily frustrating. Marquis said that many of them had strange attitudes and lacked goals. He struggled to influence them rather than be influenced by them.

Roommates. Mike’s biggest frustration was roommates, but he found some good in dealing with them too. He improved his interpersonal skills, learned not to fight over things unnecessarily, and discovered some attributes to guard against in his next roommate or in a wife.

Angie echoed the importance of communicating with a roommate. Because of her own need for occasional solitude, she recognized the importance of giving her roommate some time alone. “Another big thing is respecting whether the other person likes a clean room.” Extreme differences in levels of neatness can be a source of frustration to both.

Daniel suggested that being a good roommate is as important as having one. To him having a considerate, humble spirit and being willing to learn from others makes you a good roommate.

Forming Friendships. The Lord has given us a need for other people, so friendship is a major concern of many young people considering college, especially those going to schools where they know no one. Mike stressed that freshmen should “seek out upperclassmen who are deeper Christians. Then that upperclassman will know other deeper Christians that they can get in with.”

Even at a Christian school, not everyone will be Christians. For dealing with non-Christians, Angie found that even well-intentioned advice could be taken as judgementalism.

“People gravitate toward you if you’re good at what you do,” Marquis says. He and Mike both warned that too much social life can be detrimental, especially if it’s based on competitiveness and popularity. Daniel warned against too many extracurricular activities, especially the first semester.

Angie found that a car could be a drawback in forming real friendships. Some people gravitated toward her during her first semester when she had a car at school. However, they found other friends with cars the next semester when she did not have one.

The other guys in Daniel’s computer classes tease him about being their official liaison to the visitors to their classes. He introduces himself and tries to make visiting students welcome. He encourages young people, especially on Christian campuses, “Be outgoing. If somebody sits down next to you, introduce yourself. Don’t be cliquish.”

Time Management. “Your calendar and your Bible--it’s your direction in life,” Marquis admits.

All of the young people agree on the importance of scheduling. Angie records her quizzes, tests, and papers on a calendar as soon as she receives her class syllabus. “I would say to my roommate, ‘Did you know we have a test tomorrow?’ She’d say, ‘We do?’”

Angie reviews her notes for each class a couple times a week, cutting her study time before a test almost in half. Upperclassmen gave her good advice on the classes.

Mike cautions to schedule study time. “If other things come up so that it doesn’t work out that you can keep that schedule, reorganize so that you have study time.”

“Try to put every minute to work. Take a textbook to the laundry, carry note cards as you walk between classes,” Daniel advises.

Both Angie and Daniel found they do better by taking fifteen-minute naps when needed.

Ministering at College. College life gives students opportunities for ministry. Some colleges require chapel and church service, have prayer groups, and Bible studies. At other colleges, the ministry is mainly person to person as Marquis and Angie found out by being approached by other students with problems.

Mike and his friends gather to pray for the college and community. They also go out into the community to evangelize.

Daniel is an assistant prayer group leader at Bob Jones University where several rooms on a dormitory hall form a prayer group which meets together several evenings a week for prayer and Bible study. Many of the students also go off-campus to reach out spiritually to the community. “One of the things I’ve loved is the nursing home ministry. Putting your heart into a ministry like that not only helps the people but it enriches you.”

Commuting has allowed Cami and Marquis to continue to serve their local churches.

Helpful Hints to High Schoolers. All of the college students, some with a rueful grin, advise that current high schoolers study hard. “It’s important for scholarships. Don’t slack off in looking for scholarships and other financial aid. And take the practice tests before you take your ACT or SAT and go over them,” Mike says.

“Prioritize. It’s easy to slip out of balance in the important things,” Marquis adds.

“Your freshman year will probably be the hardest. Things will get better as you get older. Don’t quit without a good reason,” Daniel says.

Cami’s final advice is: “Don’t give up on the idea of going to college. Don’t think you can’t do it.”

(copyright 1999, appeared in The Indiana Informer)