Keeping the Home in Home Schooling

by Debbie W. Wilson

During the bustle of home schooling, it is easy to forget the homey

elements in what we do. We need to remind ourselves that we live in a home, not a classroom, made up of a family, not a school. To keep the home in home schooling, we concentrate on relationships.

Our Relationship with God. In doing the Lord's work of home schooling, we sometimes forget the Lord Himself. We have lessons to plan, teach and evaluate, younger children to watch, housework to do, a spouse to care for, and other family and friends who need us.

However, we need that time with the Lord, even if it is only a few minutes. Our being right with the Lord is foundational to our family's right relations with one another. Discouragement and despair follow our lack of prayer, Bible study, and obedience. Without God's Word occupying our minds, our attitudes, priorities, and thinking mess up. When we don't pray, our worries, concerns, fears, and hopes stay locked inside us to create tension. As we turn them over to Him, He replaces the tension with wisdom and peace.

Obedience is often the missing key in our relationship with God. Often we want God's blessings on our conditions. God said of the Israelites: "O that there were such an heart in them, that they would fear me, and keep all my commandments always, that it might be well with them, and with their children for ever!" (Deuteronomy 5:29)

Jesus measures our love for Him by our obedience. In John 14:21 He says, "He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me...." Our obedience to Him influences our relationships in our family.

Husbands and Wives. God considers the marital relationship so important that a lack of unity in the marriage hinders the effectiveness of our prayers. However, maintaining that marriage require work.

Courtesy. When we first meet one another, we treat each other with courtesy. "Please," "thank you," "excuse me," "I'm sorry" come naturally. We want to make a good impression, but what about twenty years later amid the hubbub of life? Do we stop trying to impress? Courtesy need not be difficult, should not lapse; it is an outward display of respect for others.

Respect. Paul told wives to reverence or respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33), and Peter wrote that husbands are to honor their wives (I Peter 3:7). In I Peter 2:17 Peter instructed us to honor the king. My husband teaches that because men are to honor the king and honor their wives, then they should treat their wives like queens.

Though respect and courtesy are related, respect goes further. The Greek word for honor is related to "weight" or "to make heavy." Do our spouse's reputation, welfare, dreams, goals, and concerns carry weight with us? Do we show the importance they have to us in our treatment of them and in the way we speak about them in front of others? When we subordinate our mate's needs to those of the church, the job, our friends, and our children, we show him that he is not as important to us as they are.

Communication. Part of showing respect to someone is listening to what he has to say. We may be able to discuss the daily drill of home school or work while peeling vegetables or putting away tools, but some subjects require our full attention. Continuing to watch TV, read a book, scroll through a computer listing, or run a loud machine while a mate is trying to talk to us slaps him or her in the face.

A marriage does not grow strong by trying to communicate through mind reading. A couple needs time alone together to work out problems, share plans, and reveal concerns. Some couples set aside a regular time for dates; others make time on a Sunday afternoon or when the children are at play or in bed.

Unity. God determined that a man should leave his parents and cleave to his wife. Communication forms that bond. Today many marriages end because the couple is too busy to communicate, to share, to meet each other's needs. We need to concentrate not on my needs and my goals but on ours.

In I Peter 3:8 Peter follows his instructions for husbands and wives with general instructions that begin with "be ye all of one mind." We can't have unity in our thinking unless we set aside the time to think and worship together.

Children. Ephesians 5:1 tells us to be "followers of God, as dear children." When I think of this verse, I imagine a little boy trying to walk in Daddy's tracks in the snow or clomping around the house in Daddy's shoes, or a little girl dressed in Mamma's clothes cuddling her baby doll as her mother does her family.

Just as we are to follow or imitate God, our children imitate us. This burdens us to set a good example, to be obedient to God, especially when we consider how important God considers the leading of the family. God shared His secrets about the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah with Abram because He knew that "he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD...." (Genesis 18:19) Noah's righteousness saved his family from the flood. David's sin with Bathsheba led to rape, killing, and rebellion among his children. Our example is crucial.

Time. Though life is busy, our children need time with us, not merely class time, but time for talk, play, and worship. Our children must know they have a prominent place on our priority list. Some of us need to force ourselves to shelve our role as teachers on occasion so that we become Mommy and Daddy again.

Courtesy. Colossians 3:21 instructs fathers not to provoke, "to irritate beyond measure," their children. Simple matters, such as always having to win, using his physical strength to keep a child down while playing, not listening, and never apologizing when wrong engender bitterness. Most children will wrap their arms around a repentant parent, providing us with an example of forgiveness.

Showing courtesy to our children, even the toddlers, and requiring courtesy from them toward ourselves and others establishes good feelings as well as behavior. Rudeness results in bitterness and squabbles. Calling names hurts feelings.

As parents our mouths are sometimes fountains that send forth bitter and sweet waters as James warned about. Comparing children to each other will leave one child feeling as if he can't measure up, causing discouragement and resentment. Children need encouragement as well as discipline. Acknowledging the good things that they do during the day, praising good attitudes, and teaching them the difference between good and bad attitudes makes them more receptive when we criticize or correct. They need our reassurance that they can do better. As children, they don't recognize pride, selfishness, or rudeness without our teaching them.

Encouragement reproduces itself. When we make a habit of encouraging, noting improvement, applauding their best efforts, our children will do the same with each other.

Protection. Following the shootings at Columbine High School, a local editor wrote that his junior-high son was planning what to do if shootings occurred in his school. Never did it enter the editorial that the father should protect his son!

Modern life carries many dangers for our children. Sometimes we can physically remove them from perilous situations. Some dangers we teach them about --"Don't talk to strangers"--"Never look at pornography"--"Drugs can destroy your brain." We discuss these situations frequently with relevant examples to help our children make the right decisions when they are on their own.

At other times we use our parental authority to tell them, "No, you can't go to your friend's party without his parents there." Eli did not exercise his parental authority. His weakness as a parent resulted in his sons' deaths. Parenthood requires the courage to lead. Because of his relationship to his family, the Philippian jailer's conversion turned his whole family to Christ.

God created the family before He created government or church. Some of God's earliest instructions to man centered on the family. He frequently compares His relationship to us in family terms: Father, bridegroom, husband. May we, as dear children follow in our Heavenly Father's footsteps in our own homes.

(Copyright 1999, Debbie W. Wilson)